Saturday, February 20, 2016

You are a baby.

You are a baby.  I am a baby . We all are babies.  We may have jobs, careers, families., homes rent bills taxes ... . We may be ruling our world. But we still are babies.
Somewhere deep inside , we sometimes just want to cry . And sometimes we want to wail ! We love touch. We thrive on a smile and we do thrive with being held. We require nourishment and fluids and we may become cranky if we are hungry for too long . We get gas pains and grimace . We even wet our pants every so often just a little. Cmon yes you do .
So when we are screaming inside , and struggling with grownup stuff, we have the Go Tos for quieting ourselves :
Breathing , meditating, going out into nature, helping others, reading , engaging in movement , exercise, yoga, distracting ourselves with things to do, shopping, drinking ,television  .... Etc .

I remember well the days of having a baby in the house with one , two, and three other children. Invariably,  at some point , the beautiful , joyous being of my life , would become impossibly cranky .
What did we do when this occurred?
Held them. Loved them .  This works , unless it doesn't , and we do not always have the ability /time/ capability to hold our fussy cherubs.
So, we go to something else. The  baby swing . Ohh this was awesome. In fact , I often used this last in the baby stations circuit because they would fall asleep in it ..
Feed them .  Cranky still? Burp . Bottle.nChange diaper.
Hmmm still fussy.
Lay in play pen with many happy, colorful, musical , moving whimsies to delight . This would be a grand thing for awhile as well, but , well, the cranks would return and we may go outside, or a number of other  things, and the, begin all over again.i actually did have stations " set up and we would do rounds of the circuit during the fussies .
Point being.... We are just sometimes fussy. Cranked. Overwhelmed . Pissed off. Sad.  And even though we are indeed babies still, we just can not act it as adults, and we really don't have anyone to set up stations for us or maybe we do and then yay a that's great !
So, set up our own stations.

What do you enjoy ?  Some babies hate the baby swing. Some people can not meditate....we all have different ways to de stress , unwind,  let go, fight the fight, quiet the monkey mind..
What is yours?
How would you pamper yourself. You. Pamper. Yourself.
So, take a walk, workout, cry, sleep, read, write, take a long hot shower, light candles, make a healthy meal, curl up in your fave Jammies or sweats.. Give yourself a facial. Listen to music . Move.

And - GIVE to someone.  A phone call, a prayer, a thought , go to the coffee shop and pay for the next persons coffee, smile.
AND,
DO NOT GIVE UP THE SHIP IF ONE THING DOESNT WORK . TRY ANOTHER .



Today, I woke up not great. Grumbly.  Fussy.  I lit candles, wrote in my journal, had sugar in my coffee. And half and half {organic } . I felt better.  Got up and two seconds later , the grumbles returned.  Okay.  Go outside now. aHh nice.  Lasted a few moments.
Had to teach class and had a client so, the grumbles had to wait .
Later, went outside. Grumbles.  Sadness.  Fears coming up.
Decided that instead of curling up under a rock, I would DO something that I would feel good about .
Anything You can do to get that ooh I feel good I just did that feeling  is a game changer.
So I went for a walk out to Kents Point with the dogs. Didn't really want to, but they insisted { thank you , guys.. ]. And I felt like a good dog mom after , even tho the boo hoo buds came with us, by the time I got home, I felt good.
Oh the grumbles creep back in, just like a fussy baby is only placated for awhile, so I decided to do things I enjoy. Like research and read . And reach out . Called my parents who were happy I called. And give myself a facial. And order some beauty products lol .
Sometimes , depending on the level of the boo hoo grumbles, I get things done like house, bathroom, laundry ... But today was a level 3 of 5 so I was rendered kind of useless . When you are that fussy, you just have to be kind to yourself and be in it while you do things for yourself.
And it helps to remember that the grumbly boo hoo fuss Meisters are not you., and this shall pass.  Just as the screaming ninny that once was your cooing child of light and love is not who your cherub is, but a passing phase, so we too must realize , that we are just babies.  Our need to belong, to be loved and cared for is absolutely powerful and primal , and  actually much more complex than a babes, but still the same , nonetheless .
When it gets past a point of managing , in our adult challenges and straight up tough dark days, be a baby.  Yell for help.  Allow someone to carry you and nurture you , maybe get you the help you need .we are not alone. It just feels like it sometimes. Because we are just babies after all.


Wednesday, December 3, 2014

Why I teach Yoga .

Yoga was kind of the " last on the list" { although there is not a last on the list in the exploration of mind body spirit...}  
In the years of being an athlete in school, I certainly stretched, but most often it was in response to tightness as a result of sports and workouts. I was raised as a doer, and so although I would frolic in the woods and contemplate on the stars, and spend way too much time, according to my parents, simply sitting and being, or singing and dancing, I was always being pushed to be better. There had to be a goal in what I was doing. If I was dancing, it was for a recital. If I was playing a sport, then I was to be the captain, the MVP, and if not that, then I had better be doing my very very best. Of course, I was captain, and mvp, pleasing my parents and all who expected nothing less, but the balance was that I spent a lot  of my teen years in  quiet rebellion.  Now, as  I am feeling arthritis from a broken toe in soccer and many finger injuries from basketball, and have a wonderful relationship with my parents, I marvel at the webs we weave.
Moving from Athletics to the fitness industry , I took my drive with me, and entered the body building field as well as Pilates and many many other certifications ... All this while though, something else stirred inside. I wrote a book { unpublished to this day.. got close though!}  I delved into Reiki, energy work, studied all religions, Learned from many teachers and masters as they really simply showed up for me- yes even in the fitness world i was in.

I  found myself raising 4 kids on my own, and entered an amazing phase of immersion into all things! Native American wisdoms, magical happenings, Psychic medium, Shamanism, Massage, Reiki, Holistic Health Counseling , etc etc etc . My children were some of my best teachers , as they spoke of other lives, and made songs up about the four directions, looked to the stars and told me thats where they came from... It was a beautiful time indeed.

And somewhere in there, I began to take yoga classes.  Oh Blessed am I that my mother in law used to take me to Canyon Ranch every March! One of my shaman initiations  was at Kripalu, and I began to piece together my yoga teacher training, along with movement therapy, dance, Thai Yoga Massage, and Shamanic studies. So blessed to have many many teachers all around me!
Later travels to Peru and Greece, Mexico and astral travels/channeling and ever researching, always learning and observing, and being a part of a whole ONENESS. SO many amazing experiences and teachings that are too many to write here.

And so, upon being guided and blessed again with the Opening of Masjah Studios, which was less about me at all, and more of a community , { ha isn't that always the way anyway?}  I was asked to teach yoga, by members who didn't like yoga.
And the more I taught, and practiced and tuned in; the more I just allowed and used the skills I had been taught, and knowledge I had acquired along the way,  the more I realized that Yoga is not about teaching it or doing it, it is living it. It is a state of being.  And I had really been living yoga all this time. So, yes,  my body still resists back bends and many advanced postures are still challenging - ahem ok I admit , downright not happening right now!
The students who came at first were the ones who's mantra was  " I hate yoga, but I will try it. "  They were and are the ones with back issues, frozen shoulders, tight hamstrings, chattering minds, stressed out bodies. They aren't wearing the latest trends in Yoga wear.  They do not care about the sanskrit names or being part of the "in crowd " .  They come for peace, for relief , and to feel good. To learn how to open their shoulders and protect their backs. And as they practice, they have some breakthroughs. But many, who come each week, are content with the subtle feelings of ahhhhhh.  They come to practice in a place of acceptance , where they do not have to do anything, or be any certain way.  Not to say we don't have some experienced yogis, but what is experienced anyway? We are all really always just being where we are.
They are the embodiment of what yoga is all about. I bow to them, for they all have been my greatest teachers. I well up with tears at the end of every class and thank each and every one for coming, for as they learn, so do I. We bring each other such gifts of ourselves.
And so it is in personal training, or healing work, or spinning, dance, and, every encounter with every person. It is this Oneness thing that we think we get but if we think at all, then we lose it.
It is what happens on the mat. and  off the mat.  It is what happens whether you can " correctly"  execute a posture { which I do not believe there really is such a thing }  or are just breathing. It is what happens when you are washing dishes or shopping or hugging or crying. It is what " happens" every second of every day, and every breath.
Connection. Oneness.  It happens anyway, but yoga- doing, being, living it- allows us to be AWARE of our breath, our bodies, our mind chatter, our challenges and breakthroughs, and all of our wonderfulness and silliness  and simply be there with it. no judgment. just acceptance. just love.
Way Cool, as one of my nephews would say.



Monday, December 1, 2014

Monday Musings

The sun flicks golden rays at the gray skies of December, dancing in and out of the trees, daring the grayness to capture it. The clouds do not smile, they just surround the little sparks of sunlight and fold over them. " I am still here" laughs the sun, as it darts to another opening in the gray.

The outer landscapes mirror my inner landscapes today. Gray, pudgy clouds of  thanksgiving weekend leftovers. Heavy piles of to dos on my desk, and a sense of sadness over so many things that probably would seem very dumb if I actually wrote them down!

But the little spark of joy darts around  , " Let's Go!  Start today! The sun is coming! So much to do and be!"

The little spark begins to permeate the grayness. I find an old journal from 2003 - one I would write my food and workouts down, and paste motivational quotes and pics in the pages. Wow, a little shot in the arm from my younger self. I haven't changed that much! Always staring anew, then " falling off', then starting again, telling myself to get motivated. Even telling myself to relax. Stay Calm. Enjoy.  I flip the pages to the back and find that there are many empty sheets, just waiting for me to " begin again" !!  So i start: december 2014, right next to a page titled " December 2006. Haha, how time passes and so much changes, and yet, not much changes!

Then I receive emails that lift me up and get me in gear, and I look outside to notice:
Aha! The skies are clearing and the sun, "by george!" , has spread beautiful rays all over the skies! The gray clouds have given up for now, and puffy whites, illuminated by sun's smile,  dance into blue sky spaces. The wind picks up and the trees sway, as if to say,
Lets Go! It is a new day!

Ok!  I am setting doldrums aside, and brushing off the clouds that linger around me, and step right into a brand new day. Perhaps a bit gingerly, but confident nevertheless.  Get on my yoga mat, put the music on . 10min is all I have, and its all  need.  Sit . Breathe. Welcome the day, whatever it brings. Visualize it bringing in wonder and abundance and amazing happenings! Feel the vibe change. Sun comes through the window.
Merry Magical Monday!  

Saturday, August 16, 2014

One of the most courageous acts we perform is coming from the womb into the world; traveling from pure spirit into human form. 
We are the embodiment of courage. 
Yet, we think we lose it along the way. We search for it, strive to be more courageous in conquering our demons, look to those we deem courageous and wish we were more. We look to others and wish they could have more courage to heal, to persevere, to live.
We forget, that every single one of us is already being courageous! We already ARE courage. Perhaps we are not tapping into our resources or our birthright, our gift to the earth ; perhaps we feel we could do more, be more, if only.... if only we had the courage. 
We are like the cowardly lion, who was so afraid because his fears told him he needed courage, and yet in  every situation that required courage, he was the one who rose to the challenge. Because he was already courage. He just thought he needed a medal from a wizard , who was really only a man from Kansas, who turned out to actually be quite wizard- like. In his own courageous way. 
So when we are feeling weak and unable to do what it takes, 
let's remember, 
We already are there. Every day. Everyday that we do, or everyday we seem to fail. We already are walking the path of courage. 
If someone stumbles, remind them of this. It doesn't matter what they have done, or what they have not done. If they are here, at this time, on earth, they have courage coded into their cells. 
It has been said, 
                           " Courage is  a journey into the unknown." 
Well, HA,!
 We have already done that, and we will do it again when we depart, and we do it every single day. 

Whew! Now that we can stop worrying and searching, we can get on with our lives. Don't forget to reach into your "black bag" and pull out your courage. It's already there. 

love to you always and all ways.  




Monday, July 7, 2014

Yoga Life : Musings from the mat

There are actions to be taken, for sure.
There are conscious intentions and choices, from which right action is taken.
In yoga today, we were all there, on our mats, because of an intention, a choice and an action.
As we tuned in, by paying attention to our breath, and sensations in our body as we breathed, we were performing an action- the action of breath. The action of listening to the teacher's instructions
{ me} , The actions of rolling back our shoulders and allowing space.  We stretched. we listened to our bodies, and to my voice as I began to move us into a posture. Many postures were quite active, but slowly, slowly, as time passed and yet no time at all passed, there came a shift from actively listening and moving into the action of a posture, to simply following the unfolding of whatever was happening. Inviting the posture in, and allowing it to unfold as our bodies explored it, all in our own beautiful, magnificent way. Not holding on to what should be, but letting go of controlling our participation in the asanas.
I no longer was directing them to the next posture, but flowing with them in  wonderful synergy of One consciousness . Still speaking, of course, still guiding and teaching, but learning from the students, " hearing" feeling their bodies speak and sing and grumble.  We all moved into a trust of the moment,  into the perfection of what was/ is.
Inviting, allowing, observing, following our own cues, our own exploration, like being on a path, unfolding before us, and being present in each step, each breath, so that we became the unfolding path, and it mattered not where it was leading, because we were not going anywhere, but we were everywhere, and everything, and we were grounded in our posture.
Surrendering to the mat in Savasana, and trusting. There was no action of breath, but instead, the breath flowed, effortlessly, in and out, out and in, moving yet still.
And moving gently back into lotus pose, there was a nourishment of gentle movement, a tender blossoming, sharing, awakening. As we bowed to one another, there was no longer action to be taken, just an allowing our movement to express our intention. Gratitude, Peace, Love and light.
And so it is.
Yoga Life.

Friday, June 20, 2014


I write tonight in honor of quiet { and not so quiet} excellence. The kind of greatness that is not seen on you tube, or gone viral in social media. The kind of integrity that never backs down and maintains  a code of honor that seems to be passing now from this world. Indeed, as Doc moves on , an era passes. 
For me, his departure , of course, brings reflection, and floods of memories . Doc was my trainer in the days of high school athletics , and also for years past that - always offering advice about my workouts and injuries. Many an injury , and also those of my children, were taped up by Doc the expert. 
I am told that I  hold the title of being one of the few students who stood up to Doc- haha no one tells Doc what to do-   the day of the soccer playoffs when he told me I had broken my toe and couldn't get back on the field. I still can smell the training room, hear the water bubbles from the whirlpool, feel his hands on my foot.  I can still feel my fervor - strong enough to tell one of the men I most respected - that I was going to play. 
Doc wasn't as tough as he portrayed, and his eyes had sparkled as he shook his head and taped my foot { so tight I think the circulation left my foot}. I felt him watch me as I left the training room to get back on the field. Being Tom Blackburn's daughter helped me win the debate, for sure.
Throughout my life since then, he has been there. " Hey Trace" I can hear his voice. 
And in the times when I would stumble, somehow he happen to be at my parents' house, or at a function, and would ask how I was. " Hang in there." he would say in his raspy voice.
It didn't matter if I hadn't seen him for years. he would always be the same. And even though he came off gruff, you knew he cared. He cared so deeply, about his work, his family, his friends, my dad, my family, and me. 
A little man in stature, a large force of energy. A symbol. An Icon. A part of my story. A part of so so many stories. 
The athletic world is ever changing, but there will be other trainers, back in the rooms far away from the media, taping and icing the athletes whose names we know. 
Maybe now Doc can be whispering in their ears, telling them what to do. That would be  a good thing! For there will not ever be another Doc Samko. 
Love you, Doc. 
The following is from an email sent by Worcester Academy:







  

STATEMENT FROM THE HEAD OF SCHOOL ON THE PASSING OF DOC SAMKO 
Worcester Academy announces the passing of longtime athletic trainer and special assistant to the athletic director William C. "Doc" Samko at the age of 95.  Our condolences go out to his family and his many, many friends.
Doc was an unforgettable character to the thousands of people whose lives were affected positively and even transformed for having known him.  Our memories of Doc, the stories he told about his life experiences and the stories we all tell about him will fill our lives with joy always, even in this time of extraordinary sadness.  
Doc, we love you.  You will be deeply missed by all of us - colleagues, alumni, and students - here at WA.
Ronald M. Cino



'DOC' REMEMBERED AS 'TREASURE FOR US ALL'

Longtime beloved Worcester Academy athletic trainer and special assistant to the athletic director William C. Samko died today at the age of 95. Known as "Bill" to some, though "Doc" to most, he began at the Academy in 1967, eventually serving as special assistant, a post he held starting in 2004.  Remembered as a friend to all, Doc only recently stopped coming into the office.

A tireless advocate for Worcester Academy athletics, Doc Samko was a pioneer in his field, helping to establish the first state and national standards for athletic trainers.  He was a graduate of the College of the Holy Cross, where he worked prior to coming to Worcester Academy, and once served as an associate professor in orthopedics and physical rehabilitation at UMass Medical School.

He had a master's degree in education and pioneered the use of molded padding by athletes so that they could return to play with protection. He led the way for the establishment of the National Athletic Trainers Association, of which he is a charter member, in 1970. In the early-70s, Doc collaborated with his close friend, Dr. Paul V. Shannon '31, forming one of the first, if not the first, orthopedic and physical therapy teams in the country. Working together, these two specialists were pioneers in a new specialty, known today as Sports Medicine.

While at Holy Cross, Doc helped the likes of Bob Cousy, Tommy Heinsohn, and other greats of that era and was the trainer for the 1947 Holy Cross national basketball championship team.

Doc started at Worcester Academy under then-athletic director and boys basketball coach Donald E. "Dee" Rowe '47 and went on to work under succeeding WA athletic directors Thomas Blackburn and Edward Reilly. Altogether, Doc served the Academy for 47 years.
Each of the men offered their fondest remembrances of Doc.

Dee Rowe, who currently serves as special assistant to the head of school at Worcester Academy, left WA in the 1970s to coach basketball at UConn. He has always maintained the close relationships that he formed at the Academy; perhaps none closer than the friendship he had with Doc. 

"It's a very tough loss of a man who was truly a treasure for all of us," said Dee. "He loved wearing the Worcester Academy uniform and he was totally committed to the kids, their games, and to building their lives. He made a difference for all who were privileged to know him.

"He loved the Academy," Dee said. "He loved his profession, and he loved Holy Cross, the city of Worcester, his wife, Justine, and their family."

Doc's wife, Justine Samko died last year at the age of 87.

"There will never be another like him," Dee said, emphasizing his words. "I will forever cherish our special bond."

Former AD and baseball coach Tom Blackburn
said Doc will be greatly missed, though Tom said he was blessed to have been able to call Doc both a colleague and a friend. 

"He will be remembered because he touched the lives of so many people in so many ways in life," Tom said. "I had so much admiration for him because of the type of person he was. He was a very caring person and a lot of people looked up to him and went to him for advice," he added. "I'll miss him as a friend and as a former colleague."

Current Director of Athletics Ed Reilly said Doc
has positively impacted the lives of a generation of Worcester Academy students and families. 

"His passing marks the end of a cherished link between our past and our present," said Ed. "While the memory of Doc will mean different things to different folks, most would agree that there was no finer professional, no one more loyal to cause, and, certainly, no one more unwavering in his devotion as a friend.

"Doc was an icon who will be sorely missed, but who will always be celebrated as a pioneer in his profession, a devoted husband and father, and as an individual who fully understood and embraced the concept of being the consummate team player."

While Doc left an indelible mark on the Academy and all who knew him, he was equally well regarded by athletic trainers everywhere, by fellow educators, and by industry leaders. Among the accolades he earned over the years were induction into the National Athletic Trainers Hall of Fame (1986), the Worcester Academy Hall of Fame (1991), the St. Peter-Marian High School Hall of Fame (2006), the New England Basketball Hall of Fame (2006), and the Athletic Trainers of Massachusetts Hall of Fame (2009).

Additional honors include the National Athletic Trainer's Association's first 25-Year Service Award, and the association's Award of Appreciation (1976), the Kerkor Kassabian Award for Athletic Trainer of Massachusetts (1996), and the All American Football Foundation Outstanding Trainer Award (2000).

He was the New England Basketball Association's Trainer of the Year in 1966, and, at the same time, headed the committee for the Licensure of Massachusetts athletic trainers.

In 2004, the William "Doc" Samko Scholarship was established at WA by Doc's friends and family to honor his 40-plus years of service to the Academy. It is awarded annually to a deserving student-athlete with demonstrated financial need.

Thursday, June 19, 2014

Evolution. Its what we do.

A Lot of us have been feeling as if we are racing to complete tasks, and projects in time for a deadline . We have taken classes, and done teacher trainings, immersed ourselves into studies and attunements, etc, learning, doing.  This has been the energy since last December really. a lot has been turned upside down { AGAIN}  and now here we are.
Solstice energy. This solstice marks the beautiful " ending" { haha if there is one thing w shave learned - there is no ENDING... just changing flow.}  to this DEADLINE phase.  Take a breather right here, these days before the 21st- Summer Solstice. Pat yourself on the back or give yourself a HIGH FIVE for being here, being you, doing your thing.
Relax.
" IT" is all happening . " IT" is happening no matter what you do.
We are in a spiritual evolutionary phase that is just amazing- rocky, crazy, wrenching, awesome etc. WE have been chugging along evolving for.. how many years?  millions? As humans, well not so long, but still, this is what we do. Evolve.
It is just that right now,  not only are we aware, we are being made privy to the workings of the universe! and that we ARE the Universe. Ohhhhhhh, no wonder why we feel like we are on a roller coaster.
Relax.   You are not your thoughts. Your thoughts are the ones that are attaching the meanings to what is going on. Watch those thoughts. Be aware of those thoughts. They are powerful now in your manifesting the life you desire. But you are not those thoughts.
You are right where you should be.
Whether you " made the deadline" or not.
It is all part of a wonderful dance of planets and beings and life oh my. Energy and divinity and change. The constants , the center , the balance within the vortex. The swirl, the calm.
Evolution.
Its what we do.
Its how we roll.
Its how we shine.
SHINE ON!
Love,
Tracey