angel wings

The mystery of life. Powerful, amazing, and oh so tenuous at the same time.  The medical field and science can only go so far in defining, explaining and participating in the birth, and death of physical life, and certainly have a long way to go in exploring the spirituality, meaning, symbolism, and divine reasoning of it.
Through years of research and experiences, I wanted to share some thoughts.  Perhaps they resonate , perhaps not- we all find what best aligns with our beliefs and what we know in our hearts.

It is my understanding that we choose our parents before we are conceived. We make this choice based on lessons we are going to learn, our purpose in this life, and soul contracts we have made. We do not fully " come in " while in the womb- our spirit selves are expansive sparks of divinity and move in and out while preparing for life in a physical body. We are born with such a vast understanding and yet are a bit stunned and confused as our expansive divine selves fully come into physical life and meet the energy of this plane of existence. Many experts believe that our very first reaction of our energy meeting the energy of the world can be an indicator of how we react and process later in life.
We come in with gifts and purpose. The timing of our arrival is perfectly timed, even if it seems that it is not.
Sometimes a soul " decides" that it will not physically come into the world. Perhaps the soul purpose is achieved in the womb. Perhaps the gifts of this beautiful spirit are given while in the womb; perhaps there is a purpose beyond what we can understand. Remembering that these souls are tuned into a vast knowing, we may be able to better grasp the concept that perhaps it just wasn't time yet. Perhaps other things were not in place, or a myriad of other reasons of which we just can not know or comprehend.
But we can know. For as we grapple with the sadness of losing a fetus , a baby, we can find solace in trusting in the journey of our once child to be. We can thank them for coming into our lives and bless them with our love. We can know beyond a doubt, that their arrival into our wombs, and the departure back into spirit before being born,  has brought great gifts and great purpose. We can know that we have been blessed with the presence of an angel, for however short the time.
With clients I have worked with, friends that have had this happen, and my own experience, it seems that often, this angel ,disguised as a brief spark of life inside us, stays with us for a time, or for our lives, or comes to us at a different time.
Everyone's life story and journey is different, and so there is no one right answer, or one right way of how and why and what happens,
but we can find love and forgiveness and hope  in the midst of our despair . We can share our stories and support one another,
and listen to the flutter of angel wings.

Off the mat.

OFF THE MAT

As a founder and owner, and now a co-owner of a wellness/fitness/dance/yoga center, I have had an opportunity to talk with and work with many yoga instructors. I have heard stories, and learned lot , even from the people that come through the door with an off handed interest. I remember one instructor who came in ,when I first opened, looking for  place to teach. I gladly showed her around and welcomed her to share her experience. When she crossed her arms and stated that she required 100 dollars an hour, I gently took her hand, and told her that perhaps this was not a fit for her.

Now years later, I am blessed beyond words to have some of the most beautiful, loving , giving people sharing their time , wisdom, and teachings of yoga at Masjah Center. Their classes are wonderful, and all different, and all nurturing and instructional. They attend workshops, and teacher trainings, and  honor their own practice.

But it is off the mat that I get a sense of their essence - what draws them to teach yoga, how they perceive life, and how yoga has helped them and changed their perspectives. The short conversations, the smiles in the hallway, the love emanating from them, the hugs, the trust. When life is hitting them, I know, because these people are real. Authentic. Human. 

When the stuff hits the fan for yogis,  they will go to their mat. But not always. Sometimes it requires digging in and getting stuff done. Facing the tough stuff that happens off the mat.

The commitment to practice and teach carries them through until the time they are able to peel off the layers and surrender.

And so, the mat becomes a place to go, a place to teach, but really, the teachings and experiences the state of samadhi, the humble allowing and exploration of one's inner landscapes in practice, permeate into everyday living, and everyday living becomes part of one's practice. 

 When I am actually able to take  a class - oh what a treat! My practice right now is in my teaching , and oh boy I am glad to land into the space of Masjah and settle onto the mat to teach a class. Most of  my own personal practice right now is in my yard, on my deck; a spontaneous sequence in the woods while walking my dogs; a few poses before I settle in with a morning coffee, and a lot of " off the mat" Yogi stuff. 

hmm... I will leave you pondering with just what that may be, as I must get ready now to teach. 

            "A mind free from all disturbance is Yoga." - The Yoga Sutras of Patanjali Y

Soga teaches us to cure what need not be endured and endure what cannot be cured. 

B.K.S. Iyengar Yoga teaches us to cure what need not be endured and endure what cannot be cured see

B.K.S. Iyengar

Oh, Mom.

In this time of big shifts and  " Shift Happening", when the earth heaves with storms, and institutions crumble and then re define themselves, and more and more information- truths of our past and present- are being revealed,
I find myself at a crossroads like everyone else. Are we not ALWAYS on some kind of crossroad? Are we not always able to take another path? Does not the path always change? Yes and Yes and Yes!
But the  definition of who we think we are;  certainly who we are and what role we are playing in this lifetime, is partly determined by constants : Jobs, children, family, genetics, belief systems...
And so, a definition I have for myself is Mom. I have been Mom for 28 years, and  me as " Mom" will continue well past my lifetime, as I have four people in the world that define me now, and will carry on that definition. There is a constant for you!
Within the Mom role/ persona/definition ar an infinite , i think, number of supporting characters!!
 There's the Mom at home, the Mom who works, The sports Mom, the nurturing Mom, the tough love Mom, the not- so -great- at the moment mom- the super mom....... and these all go through constant metamorphosis as life changes, as children grow up and move into their own lives.
We teach our children. We give them skills and knowledge and cherish our moments. We create memories. We help prepare them for their lives; we learn from them. Our mission when they are growing up, seems to be, to get them out of the house! Send them on their way! Go, Go! Explore and do! The world is all for you! We say.
And then, when they are all ready and they are waving goodbye, we scream inside " No wait! I didnt mean it! " haha , or sometimes we do that.
Anyway, my last of four is a senior in high school, and my third in line graduates from college this year. Milestones. Passages.  Wow when did I get this old? When did this happen? I have said for many years: " When my last one walks across the stage, I am going to....."
I sit here now, saying,
Ok, what am I going to.....?
Dont get me wrong- I have lots to do! Places to go! Books to write, Teacher trainings to attend, a business to run, a life to lead!
But the " Freedom " I have been gazing at from afar, is not all sparkles and joy. Freedom comes at a cost.
A whole bunch of " mom " personas inside me are waving their protest flags, and yelling to Stop The Progression of Life.
I guess I will gather them together, the sports mom, the helicopter mom, the holding down the fort mom, the mom of babies and teens and birthday parties and school functions... I will gather them and love them, and tell them it is ok.
Times of shifting. Time for new mom personas to enter stage left. Traveling Mom, grandmother mom? oohh ok, not quite yet.... authentic self mom, mom- friend.....
Guess it is time for me to grow up too.. aha, and thats the thing!
Ok I got this!
I think I will now take my laundry to my moms because my washer broke.
Thanks, Mom.

who runs the world? girls.

Each night - sometimes I miss a night or two- I write an email for Project All Love In: helping families in need. For a donation of a monthly 5 dollars, people sign up for the emails and monies go toward helping families. We have a wonderful contact who works in the school system and takes our gifts of love and support to a family in need. 
On this Mother's day, we gifted a local single mom with a gift certificate from Stop & Shop.

I though I would share my Mother's Day email with everyone.

Rhianna's popular song, Who runs the world { Girls} is a catchy tune, but lets face it, if the world was REALLY run by women.. well, i need not say anymore.

Girls have so much power, we do not even know what to do with it.

The beautiful thing about girlpower is, we are usually laughing, talking, and doing 5 other things while we are wielding our magic powers.

We laugh at ourselves when finding ourselves in predicaments that, " Oh a man could do this so much better."

Like cars. Like lifting heavy objects.

When my car needed a jump start recently, I was rescued by two fearless female comrades, ready to take action! That's ok we had to look at the manual to find the hood release on her car. That's even ok we could not find the battery. No problem! Laughter ensued when we realized, well, let's go get the other's truck and see if we can do THAT.

And so, I waited, while they went back to the parking lot, climbed in the truck, and ventured back to my house. 

Ahh, well, we knew where the hood release was, but oh, where's the battery?

Should we enlist the male neighbor? NO!! We can do this!

And, we DID!

An alliance, a gathering of women on a mission. 

There were no lectures, no comparing cars, no worries we were missing a workout { we got the workout in}, no butting heads and no lingering at the site shooting the breeze.. 

we laughed, we did what was necessary, and we moved to the next project.

The next project was a half hour killer workout, from which we left sweaty and exhilarated, hugging each other and, 

moving on to the next project of feeding families, home, etc etc. 

You know, running the world stuff.

Today, Three women ventured up the highway on a road trip mission to pick up a piece of heavy equipment.

Armed with a caring husband's truck equipped with ropes and a caution banner, they barely even questioned if this task were possible. It just had to be done.

Upon lifting the equipment, anticipating great challenge, they discovered:

Oh, Not bad! We can do this! 

And into the pick they hoisted the 8 ft , heavy piece into the back of the pick up.

Laughter arose as they began to tie it down,

and a sense of " I am woman hear me roar" along with feelings of support and friendship; acceptance  and team work moved through them.

The greater task was to get the thing up the stairs to Masjah Center. 

They enlisted the kind husband, who came with a plan and a desire to help.

In the end,

They just simply picked the sucker up and hauled it up the stairs.

“ If you want anything said, ask a man. If you want anything done, ask a woman.”
― Margaret Thatcher

Not only do women get it done, they do so with such a feeling of exhilaration. There may be smiles to one another- deep meaningful" I Get It, We did It" smiles. There may be high fives and YES! We did it! 

Or they may be quiet gratitudes. But there is always a feeling of poignant accomplishment,

as we do small things to disprove centuries of " women can't do that " belief systems.

We do small things like bringing children into the world, or nurturing one another. We create the space in which all things happen. We are deeply connected to our own mother earth and to one another, through our rhythms and cycles. We have a  deep knowing, and empathy. WE cry, we laugh, we hold the fort. We scream, we love, we brave through the storms.

We have the capacity, the inner power, and connection to the pulse of all, 

to run the world.

We just don't know it yet.

Have a beautiful Mother's Day. Be your own mother today, and take care of yourself. Have fun. Laugh. Wield your magic power, and weave your magic . 

“Women are a creative force. We are creative beings: our bodies are designed to give birth to creations, ideas, and beliefs — to bring things into fruition.”

—	Shine Blackhawk {And we can jump start a car, and haul big things around. But only when we have to.} Project ALL LOVE IN can be found on Masjah Center Website http://trac14.wix.com/the-masjah-center

Courage

Day 40.

How to be brave.

Sometimes we can be brave, all by ourselves. We pull from something deep inside of us, 

and are able to rise up and move right through anything in our way.

But, most of the time, being brave is not caving in.

 Being brave is just getting up and going at it again.

Sometimes being brave is looking in someone else's eyes and gaining strength from the

 " you are ok" in their eyes. Sometimes being brave means taking the hand that is outstretched to you.

Bentley University played today. It was not an easy game, and the first string was required to play

 more than they are used to. This meant , of course, those on the bench did not get much playing time,

 which, is an anomaly in Coach Stevens' usual approach to the game. So, every time my daughter 

Caleigh was put in, into a wild tough game, with an injured foot, she was called upon for every ounce of 

bravery she could muster.

She looked brave. She looked like a ballplayer. She did as she was required: screen for the starters. 

Give the starters a break. Everyone clapped for her when she came back out of the game to

 take her place on the bench.

But her mother knew that something was up. The way she looked, the way she moved,

 the way she pushed her three pointer and missed -her courage had waned.

And so, with a win, and cheers from the crowds,  I walked back to her room with her and held her. 

I looked into her eyes, and kissed her forehead and held her foot in my hands.

 With teary eyes, she whispered. " Mom." 

I understood how and what she felt, and there were no real words for me to say,

 except that I understood, and to remind her of how hard she is working, and what obstacles she has faced.

  She allowed me all of this, and listened. She allowed me to pull out my  " bag of healing tricks". 

But she could not see that she was brave. She only could see what was wrong.

 Her beliefs about what should be and could be, and her fear and " lack of " thoughts had her

 in a whirlwind of impending despair. So I gave her food, and got her to laugh, and gave a pep talk.,

 but moreover, when we locked eyes, and I took her head against mine, the message was clear:

You can do this. You are Ok.  Be Brave.

In the end, it will be up to her. When the next game comes, it will be herself she will have to rely on for courage.

 She alone will cry her tears, and pull herself up once again, for tomorrow. Even though she is afraid.

 Even though she is doubting and fearful.

As it is for all of us, no matter how insignificant the situation may seem. There really is no insignificant situation. 

 Oh how amazing we all are! Such things we go through! Such challenges and triumphs! Such despair and such Joy! 

 Is this the reason we come here, from our safe haven of light,

 dancing with angels in places such as heaven? To feel? To feel all of it? 

To help one another, to allow the tears to flow, to make it through, over and over again? Perhaps it is.

Let us forgive ourselves, give ourselves a break, for goodness sake.

 Let's be grateful for every day, for every breath. Let's have fun. Let's enjoy. As much as we can.

 And when we go through the tuff stuff, feel it. allow help to come.

 KNow that every relationship is a Holy encounter. 

 Believe in miracles, and abundance. Let's consciously bring love to our days, and in doing so,

 we change the way we see, and we change the world, one miracle moment at a time.

Let's remember, that We Are Brave! Oh How BRAVE we are!!! 

So prepare your healthy foods, set up your workouts, and Show Up, dance more,

 Drink more water. Find community to support you, and know,

 that no matter what you do, no matter how small you feel, you are amazing.

You are always one step closer.

Congrats on 40 days!  I will email all of you tomorrow about continuing these emails. 

You can opt out if you choose. Let me know if you would like to continue. Thank you.

Remember, you ARE love, and are loved.   

Namaste,

Tracey

Mom Moments

Mom Moments.

Mother's Day is not really in May. It does not really occur on a designated day marked by Hallmark cards and gifts and flowers. { I often marveled that on " Mother's Day, it seemed I had more to clean up, less time to myself, and more expectations of being available for the family...}

Mother's Day happens in moments. Like receiving a thoughtful text from my son, or a knowing smile from one of my children. Like today, when I hugged my oldest daughter before she boarded a plane to Hawaii, where she is going to live for a time. I kissed her cheeks and touched her hair, just as I had done when she was a little girl. She melted into me as I held her, this brave, strong girl of mine. She soaked in all the mommy- love; allowing the tears to flow; allowing a moment of vulnerability, before we pulled away and stood, facing one another , woman to woman. We smiled, ready to embrace a new chapter in the story of us. I watched, as part of myself turned and walked toward her future. 

On my way home, I marveled at the synchronicity of the music coming from the radio. The first song was" Drops of Jupiter"- a song that has always been her theme song of sorts. All the way home, as if by magic, tunes played that reminded me of her: the song she sang in the talent show in middle school, the song she sang at graduation, the song about a Nikon camera, of which we rescued from her sister's car at the last minute.... my Mom moments were all by myself, on the highway, belting out the words to these songs!

Today was Mother's Day, when I watched a farewell embrace between sisters- her youngest sister putting on the brave front as we packed up to leave. It was today, when we had to trek to the AT&T store, on our way to Boston, to replace a lost phone. I mean, of course she would lose her phone the day of her departure! Today was Mother's Day, when we rendezvoused with her other sister in college, who came out of the school gymnasium smiling at the sight of us, despite the fact that she was hobbling with an ice pack wrapped around her foot. Much joy, love and laughter in being together.
 When I came home,  my youngest was not only talkative and receptive, she also had walked the dogs while I had been gone! Later, as she made her way out the door to go to a hockey game, she cheerfully called, " Bye Mom!"
 I sat down on the couch and listened to the silence. I was embraced by the love and life of all my children, wherever they may be. I gazed at the pictures of them on the walls, and looked around at the aftermath of the day: strewn clothes, empty glasses on the counter, leftover dishes.....
Today was Mother's Day. As will be tomorrow.

Shine bright

It is gray and cold. A blanket of white covers the ground and weighs down the branches of the trees. Winter is a time to go inward, to take care of those things we tend to dismiss when the sun shines and the weather beckons us to play outside. Unless we love the cold snowy days, or we are a 90 pound labrador, who, upon being let out this morning, jumped into the snow and reveled in the changed landscape of the backyard!
I am a summer lover and a sun worshipper, and so, motivation is quite difficult on these snowy, cold, gray days. But I remind myself that the sun shines bright high above us,
and within us.
So, shine bright as you walk softly into your day, gray, or not.